how to date american women

What It’s Really Like Dating an American Girl

There is a lot of negativity surrounding American girls online, and I honestly find this rather surprising. Yes, of course some people will have bad experiences with dates. But to generalise these assumptions, and often stereotypes, to the whole American population is unfair. Chelsea and I have been dating for a year and a half now, and it has been the most exhilarating, wonderful, exciting and special year and a half of my life. I would not trade it for anything, and I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with her. So, these are my own responses, from experience, to some of the most commonly discussed traits of American girls online.

1. American Girls Expect Perfection
There is an Assumption that American Girls Expect Perfection
One criticism that is constantly levelled against American women, is that they expect perfection. That it is the guy’s job to be able to be everything that their partner wants and more, and that even sometimes that is not enough. American girls are painted as delicate princesses that expect men to wait on them hand and foot. But, in my experience, this does not hold true at all. Chelsea and I do our best for each other, and try our best to make each other happy. We understand that we are both only human, but don’t let that come between us.

To be completely honest, I feel this criticism reflects much worse on the men that make it, than their partners. In any relationship, you should be striving to make your partner happy. You should be aiming to be perfect for them. What does it say about the men who they complain about this? Perhaps that they have not found the person they are looking for yet. Or perhaps, that they cannot take criticism. Either way, in my experience, Chelsea does not expect perfection. But that won’t stop me from trying.

2. They Love Accents

Accents Are Attractive!
This, from what I have experienced, seems to actually be somewhat true. Perhaps it is the novelty of hearing something new that makes accents so appealing. After all, America is a big country, so to hear an accent from across the pond, or somewhere even more exotic most likely feels new and exciting. But, who doesn’t love a good accent? Even here in the UK we find accents from different parts of the world (and even the country) attractive and exciting. Just as many times as I have heard an American amused by the English accent, have I heard a Brit amused by an Irish accent.

Of course, sometimes the language barrier extends beyond just a new way of saying words. There are some words that are completely different in the US, and some that have entirely different meanings. This is something that adds to the charm, and the fun of international dating, even if you do both speak the same language, there are still subtle nuances to learn and discover about each other!

3. Gun-Toting Republicans & Feminist Hippies

The Right Wing American is an Unfortunate Stereotype
Um… no. Both of these are extreme stereotypes that completely polarise a hugely interesting and diverse culture. It was, at first, surprising to discover that these stereotypes exist, and are so prevalent. But, fortunately, I have yet to meet anybody who fits into either of these categories. Chelsea is a confident, educated, and passionate person, who could by no means be described by such extreme language. While I have met people with strong, sometimes extreme, political and social views, that is not her. And it is a huge injustice to portray the majority of American girls as such a small extreme.

4. There is Nothing Special About Them

Chelsea is the Most Special Person in the World to Me
Once again, this completely baffles me. To me, Chelsea is the most special person in the world. She is funny, smart, talented, beautiful and extraordinarily kind. I imagine this criticism comes from a handful of scorned men, with somewhat limited dating experience, and have become bitter towards all, based on the actions of a few. It is very easy, from a few experiences, to label a group of people as the same, yet ignore the diversity within the group.

I also think that people with this view tend to fall into the trap of feeling that the grass is greener on the other side. A foreign girlfriend (or boyfriend) may seem like a more attractive idea because they are exotic and new. And while, yes, I do find dating Chelsea an exciting experience (I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy my trips to the US), I do not think that it is because she is not from the same country as me. I have found the person I want to spend my life with, and she just so happens to be American.

5. They Are Expensive

I see a lot of men online complain that their American girlfriends suck the money out of their wallet. From the first date, the man is expected to pay for everything. The concept of going Dutch (splitting the bill) is not even an option. And, from there on out, your hard earned money will be spent on trying to please your girlfriend rather than anything else.

The issue that I take with this is twofold. The first, is that it makes American girls seem helpless, and unable to financially support themselves without a man. This is an extremely outdated view, and from my experience not true. Chelsea is independent, and financially savvy (much more so than me in a fair few cases). She works hard for her money, and will often not let me pay for a meal. My other issue is that I believe strongly in the idea of chivalry. Nobody should pay for a meal (or anything) because they are expected to, but should because they want to!

6. They are Loud, Brash & Obnoxious

To Brits, the idea of sending food back when it arrives is a big ordeal. Most of us would rather eat whatever is put in front of us than face talking to the wait staff and asking for another. To Americans, Chelsea included, this is not the case. She is confident. She knows what she wants and she is not afraid to say it. That’s something that I find admirable, and wish I could do more often. The best description I have ever read for it, is that dating an American is like going through life with a puppy. They are excited, and happy to talk to others. Personally I agree with this, and it certainly brightens my day.

It is not to be confused, however, with being loud, brash or obnoxious. I am sure there are some people that are, in every culture. But American girls seem to have developed a reputation for it. One I cannot say I have ever witnessed with my own eyes. Chelsea is confident, and enjoys talking, but she is certainly not brash, obnoxious or rude to others!

7. You Need ‘Game’

This one has always confused me. Men, particularly American men, seem obsessed by the concept of game. It is some kind of weird, intangible chat-up line infused, pick-up art. And, to be completely honest, I find the whole idea a little creepy. Online, most men suggest that you need either money, or ‘game’ to be able to date an American girl. There are even websites dedicated to helping you ‘improve your game.’

I, however, clearly needed no game (or even to know what game was) to start dating Chelsea. It was even her who said that she liked me, not the other way around! It seems to me as if game is a very easy excuse for men to blame their rejection on. In reality, American girls often don’t even like men who try to pick them up, but rather those that will reciprocate their love and care. I am glad that mine and Chelsea’s relationship is built on mutual love and trust, rather than the amount of amusing chat up lines I know. I am sure we are stronger for it.

8. American Women Are Superficial

Selfies. Celebrity culture. Appearance. People level a huge amount of criticism towards American girls on how superficial they believe them to me. But again, in my experience, this is not at all the case. Chelsea cares more about those around her, and the animals that she works with than the fashion or lifestyle choices of a distant celebrity. She is more interested in a person’s personality than their appearance. And she most certainly does not have a checklist that men must pass to date her.

My point is, it is easy to say that all American girls are superficial, but in reality they are not. The popularity of celebrities, and the superficial qualities of women are often perpetuated by the news and entertainment industry. They create tropes (shortcuts) that can often lead to false assumptions. I believe that very few American women are as superficial as they are made out to be.

9. Naivety & Stupidity

Another unfortunate comment that I come across all too often is that American girls are naive, stupid, and closed minded. This one particularly bugs me, because honestly, Chelsea is by far one of the smartest people I know. She chose a profession that she loved (dog training) and has pursued it with all of her energy. She regularly attends seminars on behavioural psychology, neuroscience, communication and business.

Of course, that is not to mention that she is always aware of the latest news and world affairs. To suggest that all American girls are naive and stupid, is something that I find (ironically) pretty naive in itself. Chelsea is easily one of the most intelligent people I know, and I am proud of all that she has achieved.

10. They Are Upfront & Honest

Finally! Another assumption that I can agree with. Yes, in my experience, Chelsea is very upfront and honest. When we started dating, she let me know that she wasn’t dating for the sake of it. That the purpose of dating (for her) was to find someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. At first, this took me by surprise. I am not used to people talking this honestly about their feelings or intentions. But, I am glad she did.

It makes much more sense to talk openly in a relationship about how you feel, than to bottle it up inside and hope that it won’t come up in conversation. I think it is a quality that promotes openness, honesty and in general leads to a much healthier relationship!

In conclusion, what should you take away from this article about dating American girls? Well, if you have never dated an American before: don’t believe the bad rap that they get online. And if you have, then perhaps you just haven’t found the right person for you yet. American girls are a huge and diverse population. I’m sure not everybody is perfect, but from my experience, they can be absolutely wonderful. I found the love of my life in America, and I’m sure that others will too.

Chelsea and I are just one example of an international couple, who found love across the pond. We would love to hear your experiences about dating in America as well. Do you agree with this article, and have you found the one for you yet? Let us know, and start a conversation in the comments below! And to read more about our our story and how we met, check out this article.

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